Lauren | She/Her | Bisexual | INFP | Autistic
| Intersectional Feminist and Proud |
Carrie White and Bree Tanner Deserved Better
Perpetual Oddball of Sarcasm and Misery with a Reading List of Cosmic Proportions. I’m here to provide comedic commentary and questionable advice. Nick and Gatsby are my OTP.
I’m a fan of The Walking Dead, The Lunar Chronicles, Timeless, Game of Thrones, Twilight, Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, The Hunger Games, Avatar: The Last Airbender/Legend Of Korra, and a bunch of other stuff.
Currently reading: Emmy and the Incredible Shrinking Rat
Everyone is welcome, no matter gender, sexuality, religion, ethnicity, skin color, etc. Black Lives Matter, Queer Lives Matter, & Black Queer Lives Matter. Free Palestine. (MAPs, TERFs and bigots can screw off thanks! If you support tr*mp in any way, shape, or form, get tf off my blog.) Blank blogs get blocked. Feel free to send me a friendly message! Also check out my TWD blog, @spaghetti-tuesday-on-wednesday
(I would like to politely point out that I am an adult, and thus I post/discuss mature topics on my blog. If you are uncomfortable or upset with any particular topic, imagery or language, please let me know and I will tag my posts to the best of my ability. Stay safe!)
A piece for a Steven Universe Fanzine I did a looong while ago! 💎✨ …. I miss them 😢
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Sherlock Holmes modern adaptation but the main characters (Sherlock, Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Irene Adler, and maybe even Lestrade) are all vampires and they’ve just been doing their thing since the time period of the original books
Irene gets to be from New Jersey like she is in canon and she’ll occasionally show up and help Sherlock with a case but they don’t ever date or hook up or anything
OR… Lestrade isn’t a vampire, but there’s been generations of Lestrades, and they all have to deal with this guy
the latest one isn’t even a cop she works nights at the 7-11 and Sherlock keeps coming in at 2am to slam two gallons of Monster Energy and ask her what what the fuck an “amogus” is (it’s case related) and tell her how much better she is at lateral thinking than her tragically straightforward ancestor and also is her girlfriend still going to school to be a defense attorney, how’s she handling the workload
okay, but who turned them and when? bc there is a lot of delicious angst and goofiness to be exlored if say:
irene has kids before being turned and is invested in her descendants
john was already with mary and has to see her age and pass
mrs. hudson is the vampire queen
the lestrades are like. the opposite of the vanhelsings. generational disinterest in vampires, but the holmes enclave keeps roping them back in.
1) Irene adopts and yes she is The Cool Grandma for generations of children forevermore
2) Mary is also a vampire, she got turned at the same time as John, she and Sherlock have Wine Wednesdays every third Saturday of the month
3) Mrs. Hudson is immortal but she’s not a vampire and nobody can figure out what her deal is
4) absolutely 100% correct
whenever anybody asks how they got turned the response is something along the lines of “that was like. Over five years ago. How do you expect me to even remember that.” or “idk man I just woke up like this” or “got bitten by a mosquito on a case” and it’s never the same twice
Yes the Sherlock Holmes books exist and whenever they’re brought up Watson gets very upset that this dude stole his writing and considers him his archnemesis despite the fact that Doyle is a totally normal human and dead as hell
imagine Watson's frothing rage at the Doyle estate insisting Holmes can never be shown having emotions. like he didn't personally watch Sherlock weep during the moon landing.
Holmes and Watson are embroiled in a legal battle against the Doyle estate and have been for almost 100 angry, angry years
this is only ever mentioned in passing for comedic effect
mrs. hudson, as a fae, is their lawyer, but there's only so much standing she has in human courts.
so she hangs around with houdini for a minute.....
Sherlock: Mrs. Hudson, as I have correctly deduced you are a fae
Mrs. Hudson: wrong
Sherlock: …as I have correctly deduced you are a, uh, faerie?
Mrs. Hudson: wrong
Sherlock: …fairy?
Mrs. Hudson: I hear the spelling change but you’re still wrong, you’ve been guessing since the day we met and you still haven’t gotten it
Sherlock:
Mrs. Hudson: but yes I have a law degree and will represent you in court
Watson, sitting in the other room and not looking up from his newspaper: I told you she would do it
sksksksksksksk
okay but how does being vampires affect sherlock's case working abilities, considering that he can only go out at night time? what sort of wacky shenanigans does he pull to investigate crimes that happen during the day?
it is still absolutely hilarious to me that the bbc’s train of thought while making their 1995 pride and prejudice was like “let us make a historically accurate near scene-by-scene adaptation with near identical dialogue to the book. except for one thing: we are allowed one (1) transgression and that is a wet!darcy scene. no explanation needed” like talk about having ur priorities straight
Fun fact: in a documentary that came out 5? 10? years ago, screenwriter Andrew Davies talks about why he added that scene. Basically, Austen always said she would never write a scene with only men in it because she had no idea how conversations would go when women weren’t present. So she always wrote scenes with men and women, or women only.
So, when Davies starts writing Pride & Prejudice 1995, he said he specifically wanted to add those scenes between men back into the series. That’s why episode 1 opens with Bingley and Darcy on horseback, looking at and talking about Netherfield Park. So, when he finally gets to episode 5 and the lake scene, Davies’ entire logic (according to him) was that it was a summer day, and Darcy’s tired, hot and finally back home. So he takes a minute to relax in his own backyard. Davies had *NO* idea (so he says) that it would become so in/famous or seen so … sexually. I mean, it really is very innocuous by today’s standards. He’s wearing a shirt and pants, and he’s holding his clothes to his chest so you can barely appreciate that his shirt is even wet. But, because it would’ve been so sexual and scandalous *for the Austen period* for the hero or a gentleman to be walking around without being formally attired, we all sit over here and swoon.
Also, I mean, it’s Colin Firth. He looks good in anything. 😏
me walking around my room talking outloud to myself about my current obsessions and giving my imaginary audience an hours long speech about it
Faramir said fuck your storyline
‘i did not even want him’ well there’s a faramir mood
this is SUCH a writing mood omg
Strider did this to him too, wayyyyy back when. Just showed up there in Bree, smoking in the corner. Refused to leave or let the story go on without him.
Maybe it’s a Númenorean thing. XD
I love that this is a universal experience among writers.
Petition to rename RotK “Return of That Weirdo in the Tavern, I Don’t Know Who He Is or Why He’s Here.”
It’s important that the ponies were all safe tho.
This is literally the best post I have ever seen on tumblr.
theres some queerbaiting thats like cask of amantillado levels of deception where i almost pity the fool who has been caught but then theres queerbaiting thats like a block of cheese under a box propped up by a stick and i think if you fall for that kind you deserved it maybe
Anonymous asked:
Where's the spirit essay jojo
arahir answered:
oh you mean the essay about how spirit untamed is legitimately the most evil thing i have ever seen and knowledge of its existence caused me to question whether humanity can truly be redeemed? you mean that essay? i need you to understand that i think dishing on children’s media is stupid. children, and young girls especially, are constantly derided for what they like. i’m not here to do that. likewise, i’m not here to dish on sequels and reboots. i love sequels and reboots. i even liked the hobbit movies. i have no taste and won’t attempt to force my taste on others. no. i’m here to say that spirit untamed is an unmitigated crime against both god and man in every way a piece of media can be because it attempts to build on the unparalleled masterpiece that came before it.
and i know i’m right. i’ve never been more right. what the fuck is spirit untamed, you ask? here’s a trailer. you’ll note they turned off comments. every official iteration of this has comments turned off. what i’m about to say in this essay is very much fellow-feeling for people of a certain age and they’ve made their thoughts explicitly clear basically everywhere this sequel film has been talked about. if you don’t want to watch the above trailer or can’t, it’s a cgi animated horse girl movie with all the horse girl accoutrements. she moves to a small town, she’s a little weird, she loves animals, she makes friends. presumably something bad is happening and she will fix it with horses and friendship. once again, i’m not here to dish on that. i love cgi and i’m a horse girl. i learned how to ride on a mustang. this is a movie about me. that’s fine. if this were the only spirit that had ever existed, it would be fine.
unfortunately, this is a sequel to a much better movie, 2002’s traditionally animated spirit: stallion of the cimmaron. when i say it’s a “better movie” i mean that i’m not totally sure two movies so different can exist in the same universe. because the 2002 movie was told from the perspective of the HORSE as voiced by MATT DAMON and it was literally about him SABOTAGING WESTWARD EXPANSION and FUCKING THE EVIL UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT and DESTROYING INDUSTRY.
there are exactly two relevant humans in the film: the colonel (he’s a colonel) and little creek (he’s a lakota boy who gets captured by the united states government along with spirit, the titular horse). i’ll let you guess who the bad guy is! no i won’t. it’s the united states government which is accurately depicted as an accessory of capitalist expansion west as represented by the railroad specifically, to the detriment of all things good. the first time we see anyone in uniform, they’re killing natives in an unproved massacre on a native village. shortly after, the colonel captures spirit, and then little creek after that. when the colonel sees little creek, he comments on his race in a way that is malicious and real, and then has him put not in the stockade but tied up where they tie unbroken horses, where they have tied spirit. the movie never attempts to sidestep what it’s depicting or saying. it says it plainly, in a way any child or adult can understand. it’s uncompromising.
honestly, i’m kind of shocked this movie hasn’t entered into the modern sphere of discourse a little more. maybe it’s because it’s unimpeachable. no one can disagree that it’s visually one of the most beautiful animated movies out there. no one can disagree with the message, because it’s so simple and true: yes, the government destroyed native populations. yes, it existed largely as an arm of capitalism to aid westward expansion at the expense of native populations and the land itself. the dichotomy of good and evil is so clear in this one and the evil is american.
this is the climactic scene:
spirit–who has just destroyed the railroad with little creek’s help–tries to escape the actual literal united states government who are trying to actually kill this horse and this lakota boy with actual guns. i think little creek actually gets shot, but not fatally. they escape together by jumping across a canyon, solidifying the eagle symbolism that the movie used repeatedly as a metaphor for freedom and the spirit of the west, but the west-west. like the actual land in the west. not whatever texas thinks it is. it ends with little creek letting spirit go (this scene apparently still makes me cry 20 years later so JOT that down) along with his own horse so they can go live in horseful peace in the (titular) cimarron, which in this movie is an effective stand-in for the unmolested west–though the area depicted is largely a fantasy mishmash of various areas.
full stop i’m a emotionally compromised about any discussion of the american west and history. it’s been most of my life and the depth and nuance is endless. we could examine the rights and the wrongs of the national park system, of preservation over conservation, over the drastic and continued and literal physical marginalization of native people and cultures. we can also get deep into wild horses in this area specifically today, how they’re rounded up, why, and where they ultimately end up. all the efficacy of that. i’ve been to more bureau of land management auctions than i can count, and even trained a few wild horses. i’m not going to get into any of that here. i just want you to know that this animated horse movie, with music by bryan adams and hans zimmer, is the closest thing we have had to a mainstream kid’s movie addressing any of it. any of the reality and any of the history.
it depicts the government sanctioned destruction of native populations, it shows how the “untouched” west was actually very much touched by native populations prior to industrial expansion west but not in a way that destroyed those areas, it critiques the very concept of taming the west, and it shows that manifest destiny and westward expansion as represented in the movie by the railroad had a very real toll on nature in and of itself and required vast fucking resources to accomplish. it even shows that they were really shitty to horses in the old west. and again, not to harp on it, but it absolutely 100% is the only mainstream animated film that shows an unprovoked massacre of a native village by the government. and it did all this no exposition, almost no dialogue at all. it just puts it on screen in stunning animation. i dare any studio to even attempt a movie like this today. no one would even try.
NATURALLY, THIS GIVEN, I WOULD FEEL SOME RESERVATIONS ABOUT A CUTESY SEQUEL WHERE SPIRIT IS LITERALLY TAMED BY THE DAUGHTER OF THE RAILROAD OWNER.
